Why BYU Students Need to Take a Cold Shower at Gold’s Gym.

The recent protesting of Orem’s Gold Gym by five—count ‘em—FIVE student anti-porno groups—has sparked a heated controversy over…well nothing really. The groups have demanded that the gym get rid of R-rated or sexually explicit PG-13 movies and install blinds on aerobic room windows to block views of provocative dancing. Some of the club's rap videos like "Shake Your Money Maker" were dubbed pornographic, the lyrics offensive as well.

Turns out that they don’t show rated ‘R’ movies, and the music videos that were shown did not contain partial nudity unless you count the midriff—which incidentally BYU students do.

First off, 5 different anti-porno groups? Why would there be five separate anti-porno groups in the same school? Do they each have a particular outrage about specific strands of porn—aka “Students against bare butts” or “The anti-tight clothing brigade”?

I guess it’s just it’s nice to see that the five groups could unite in the face of such mild pornographic circumstances in order to grab some local and national media spotlights for a couple of weeks. And if we Mormons need anything, it’s more media to coverage of our cultural ridiculousness.

And the complaint that Gold’s Gym is not putting blinds on the aerobic areas, what? I can’t understand that these students are so sheltered that they believe women doing aerobic dancing is provocative. Is there really a problem with BYU students watching women do aerobics? Shame on the BYU student who wrote this grievance into their demands; I mean I think they protest a little too much, if you know what I mean. (See Freud, defense mechanism: denial)

Lets also not forget that this gym is public, non-LDS affiliated, nor BYU affiliated. And shockingly, there is no Gold’s Gym “Honor Code”.

So, even if you are offended by the seriously non-offensive stuff being shown at Gold’s Gym, the way to deal with that is to protest the establishment by taking your business elsewhere. It is not economically or socially acceptable to picket until the “end of time” (and that quotation is real! I wonder if that kid is still outside the gym with a sign)

So, I suggest a solution. Lets say that the pornographic videos and provocative aerobic dancing can only be viewed on Sundays and Monday nights. That way, the people who want to see it can, and the people who are offended by it will be at church or at F.H.E. If that doesn’t work, then maybe the five BYU groups need to hit the cold showers and stop looking to be offended.

The "Mo-Mo" Syndrome

At the risk of sounding like a complete apostate, I address the overwhelming annoyingness of Mormon girls. Or as they have been known as, “Molly Mormons” (a.k.a. Mo-Mo’s.)

Most of these females are reasonably good looking, and may look and act just as a normal girl would. But don’t be fooled by this seemingly regular appearance, because underneath the “Shades” and fashionable yet extremely modest outfits, there lays a Siren of unspeakable cunning and clever seduction.

Now I may have to disclaim that I am not referring to all Mormon girls. There of plenty of good LDS girls who aren’t bat-shit crazy and actually have a reasonable amount of ‘fun’ (If you don’t know what ‘fun’ is, you’re probably a Mo-Mo).

Mo-Mo’s typically have 3 shortcomings or annoyances.

Number 1: They judge anyone they see and justify it what can only be understood as completely paradoxical and hypocritical religious support.

That being said, I can’t tell you how many times I have been told by a Mo-Mo ‘not to judge’ someone. This seemingly Christ like advice would be truly valuable if I didn’t know that the ruthless gossip the girls participate in when talking about a variety of subjects. Here a just a few: long hair on boys, rock music, other girls who dress slutty, democrats, any T.V. show besides Arthur, any movie besides Pride and Prejudice or Charlie, and every other girl who isn’t there. And what adds to the irony of their judgments is that secretly, they like guys with long hair, they listen to rock music when no one is around, they all love the movie Hairspray despite it’s highly sexual themes, and how they treat every person they gossip about like they are best friends. Irony at it’s finest.

Number 2: Despite their modest appearance and innocent and saintly image, most Mo-Mo’s will incisively tease guys with overtly romantic and rebellious innuendo.

Mo-Mo’s love to flirt, and talk about almost every single part of a male movie-stars body. They will tease men to the point of confusion and disorientation (the word fickle comes to mind). But then be completely offended by anything from a kiss to an attempt to hold their hand. They then tout those famous cliché lines, “I don’t want a serious relationship,” and then continue to flirt and drive the manhood out of that poor, poor guy.

Number 3: They assume that any digression from their insulated cultural bubble, must come from Satan and that you are now his faithful servant sent to persuade them to betray their values.

If a PG:13 movie with slight violence and some adult language is suggested, realize that Satan might not be responsible. I did not make a pack with the prince of darkness to try poison you by degrees. I merely suggested we watch a romantic comedy that may not be appropriate for those under 13.

So I beg of the Mo-Mo population: Just stop. I mean if you keep acting like crazy people, people might just think you are crazy people. And I know you’re not crazy. You are just confused and mean-spirited.

My Response to Angry Atheists

Oh Adam, you write far too well to fall into the pitfalls of the angry atheist. The truth is that your blog was mostly critical of what you were doing yourself. Irony is probably the word I’d use. You are persecuting the LDS faith, or any faith that disagrees with your opinion and treats you different for it. But don’t get me wrong here, that it such a good thing. The ability to disagree is vital to a healthy society. Persecution has and does exist, but it is healthy persecution. I’m not talking about the whole tar and feather thing nor the Hans mill thing either (Both happened to LDS members). The kind of persecution you’re talking about is people classifying you as a crazy atheist and not listen to your arguments because they know what they believe. And you do the same to LDS members. Don’t you dare suggest that Atheists have been more persecuted than Mormons. We remain the only people that have had an extermination order in the United States history.

Yes, it is almost impossible to be elected as an atheist, because the majority of America is religious, with a large percentage of them zealously Christian. And if anything is an American ideal it’s power to the people, even if they are religious zealots.

Yes, Atheist’s are persecuted. That is a good thing. You’ve now joined the ranks of every freakin’ religion out there. Consider it an acknowledgement that atheism is now recognized and hated, just like Mormonism. So come join us Mo’s on the persecution wagon. It’s the only way that any atheist will have a chance to be elected anything, to be persecuted.

But I do agree that LDS members need to be more receptive to criticism about our religion, because it’s important for people to know what we believe and practice. Where you are wrong is that there is a lack of knowledge about Mormon Doctrine and History. The PBS special did wonders on that. And the more recent LDS literature is pretty clear on our doctrinal beliefs now.

And if you want doctrinal answers about Mormonism, you’re right, you’re not going to get it from Mitt. He’s not going to bring up the mountain massacre or polygamy because that LDS doctrine will scare people, just like Kennedy never talked abut the crusades or any of Catholicism’s skeletons. If you, Adam Gregg, want to know Mormon Doctrine, type it in on Google, and you’ll have more than you need. Heck ask an intelligent LDS member and they can probably answer it sufficiently.

I wasn’t a big fan of mitt’s speech, but it did do one good thing. He emphasized that someone can separate their personal religious beliefs from political actions and decisions made for all people in a country, even for Atheism. The wall of separation between government and organized religion is so important, but that wall doesn’t cover up our right to hate and love ideals and religions.

And Guess what, you are living in a single party state. Deal with it, because we all do. Moderation in Utah is needed badly, and people with views such as yourself will help moderate our state. It will require some persecution of beliefs, but hopefully not of people. But this isn’t simply a Utah problem. Try living in the south for a couple of months and tell us if it’s any better.

So yes, Mitt dodges questions about his religion, just Hilary dodges questions about anything, just as Guillani dodges questions on his affairs, and just as George Bush dodges questions on Iraq. It’s called politics. You answer strategically ....or as George puts it, “streegery,”

It’s when people stop boycotting movies, covering signs with trees, and researching politician’s religious beliefs I’ll be scared. Expressing your support or dissent for something is exactly what we need. You call it persecution, I call it Democracy.

Thus we see that the “faithful” Americans should not open their arms to you. And you shouldn’t meet the faithful with open arms either. You should both open your minds, so you can understand the opposing viewpoint, but not subscribe to it. Dissent, compromise, rebellion, and even religion and the separation of religion and government were used to make our country. And God willing—or non-God willing—that will continue to produce a free society with some tolerance and some “persecution”.

You are guilty of what you accuse the religious of doing. You are sick and tired of how they act, just like they are sick and tired of you. Frankly I’m sick of how atheistic people act and sick and tired how religious people act. You think that the faithful are trapping you, and the faithful think you are taking God out of anything. And that’s the balance between both of your ‘off the wall’ beliefs that keeps the collective America sane and progressive.