The "Mo-Mo" Syndrome

At the risk of sounding like a complete apostate, I address the overwhelming annoyingness of Mormon girls. Or as they have been known as, “Molly Mormons” (a.k.a. Mo-Mo’s.)

Most of these females are reasonably good looking, and may look and act just as a normal girl would. But don’t be fooled by this seemingly regular appearance, because underneath the “Shades” and fashionable yet extremely modest outfits, there lays a Siren of unspeakable cunning and clever seduction.

Now I may have to disclaim that I am not referring to all Mormon girls. There of plenty of good LDS girls who aren’t bat-shit crazy and actually have a reasonable amount of ‘fun’ (If you don’t know what ‘fun’ is, you’re probably a Mo-Mo).

Mo-Mo’s typically have 3 shortcomings or annoyances.

Number 1: They judge anyone they see and justify it what can only be understood as completely paradoxical and hypocritical religious support.

That being said, I can’t tell you how many times I have been told by a Mo-Mo ‘not to judge’ someone. This seemingly Christ like advice would be truly valuable if I didn’t know that the ruthless gossip the girls participate in when talking about a variety of subjects. Here a just a few: long hair on boys, rock music, other girls who dress slutty, democrats, any T.V. show besides Arthur, any movie besides Pride and Prejudice or Charlie, and every other girl who isn’t there. And what adds to the irony of their judgments is that secretly, they like guys with long hair, they listen to rock music when no one is around, they all love the movie Hairspray despite it’s highly sexual themes, and how they treat every person they gossip about like they are best friends. Irony at it’s finest.

Number 2: Despite their modest appearance and innocent and saintly image, most Mo-Mo’s will incisively tease guys with overtly romantic and rebellious innuendo.

Mo-Mo’s love to flirt, and talk about almost every single part of a male movie-stars body. They will tease men to the point of confusion and disorientation (the word fickle comes to mind). But then be completely offended by anything from a kiss to an attempt to hold their hand. They then tout those famous cliché lines, “I don’t want a serious relationship,” and then continue to flirt and drive the manhood out of that poor, poor guy.

Number 3: They assume that any digression from their insulated cultural bubble, must come from Satan and that you are now his faithful servant sent to persuade them to betray their values.

If a PG:13 movie with slight violence and some adult language is suggested, realize that Satan might not be responsible. I did not make a pack with the prince of darkness to try poison you by degrees. I merely suggested we watch a romantic comedy that may not be appropriate for those under 13.

So I beg of the Mo-Mo population: Just stop. I mean if you keep acting like crazy people, people might just think you are crazy people. And I know you’re not crazy. You are just confused and mean-spirited.